Regrets~

K and I have been donation collecting buddies since we were in secondary sch with our stupid prefect post~ Then, we started our college life with lots of msning and then finally, when we both had settled in the new city, KL, we hang out more often~ It had been weird especially when people started questioning me about our friendship, but all that I can say is that, we go out, have meal then movies~ there were not much conversation and most of our conversation include me asking questions that seems stupid to him and him replying me with some tone that bit by bit, ruined my self esteem~ He live rather far away from my place but yet probably due to loneliness, we went out quite often, and I definitely felt sorry for he was always the one travelling.

Time passed, I went tru relationships and him getting more and more friends and finally his own clig of friends that we went out together less and less... From hanging out twice a week to once and week then finally once a month~ Then, I started working and him getting ready to go overseas again, we hardly go out together. I promised myself most of the mornings telling myself that, since I will pass by the area he is living, I will ask him out for dinner but at the end of the day, I became tired and normally went straight home to rest~ I had dinner with him only once since I started working and the second time was on Monday. and yeah, he will be leaving for Aus this Sunday~ Happily, I went to the dinner with also other two guys and I got this bomb from him~ (no, he did not confess to me that he like me... do not think too much), he told me that he will leave KL the next day and he is flying off from Spore~ that means, I will not see him until he comes back for holiday in Dec~ Immediately, I felt the pain and I truly regretted for what I had never done--not taking initiative on asking friends out!!

p/s: thats why, this whole week, I had been out with different friends who I had promised to have meal with since long time ago~~
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Remembering end of last month, I cried in the meeting at work just because I am getting 2 diffecult kids who were like enemies of the century (fight and quarel everytime they meet) in the same class~

After one month of being their mentor, I had no idea how, but I had encouraged them to be friends and they are best friends who share story books and they often encourage one another to perform and behave well in class~ And yeah~ I am assigned to take another class next month~ in two weeks time, I will leave that center to another branch~ guess there will be lots of kids that I will definitely miss a lot~

Oh no~ they baby gal (5 yo) in my class with average of 7 years old kids who now can read well and enjoy reading story books. My class with average of 5 years old kids who were quiet when I first see them but now because of me not being firm with them, had became the naughty but yet cutest class I have. The class that I have fully in this 2 1/2 months which consist of all the kids who like to shout out answers and have other mentor coming in to complain/warn them. The girl who, 40 minutes late is nth special if it happens on her but had been one of the early birds who came into the center early~ And yeah, last but not least, my 6 years old class who had been overstayed at that level and 99% of them have discipline/confidence problem which I couldnt wait to get rid of but yet I already miss them now~~~

Comments~

As most of my friends know, I lost some weight last year, in around August but precious moments are always shorter, by Chinese New Year, I gained back some weight due to the stress I got from the beloved HELP Uni Coll~ Why? everyone asked, assuming that with stress, most people get bad appetite and definitely lose some weight~

Yeah, things work differently for different people. I normally eat to destress besides shopping, which will cost more and add on some more stress at the end of the months~ so, yeah, my tummy is back for a visit~ And strange things happened, after banning myself from eating mutton and nasi lemak because of my high cholestrol, I started eating lots of pork, and with their fats, especially the braised one as the fats will be soft and it melt in my mouth~ yum yum~ Then, to boost my self-esteem when I am fat, I had some fight with my bf (when we were together), I became unresonable and started asking him questions like "Who says fat people are not pretty?" "How can you say that one have to be thin to be beautiful?" and then started to lecture others with my theories like "Just because one person say that he prefer girl to be slim and then he/she started to design nice clothes with only XXS, XS, and S sizes, the whole world have to agree with that person that one need to be thin to be labelled as GOOD LOOKING is it?"

I hate people who ruin other's self esteem or make people feel bad with crazy comments~ who need all those comments? Unless you give people advises like~ watch out for cholestrol... or some sincere comments for your close friends when you are having a private talk (not in front of N number of people~)! One better keep his/her mouth SHUT~ of coz, I might do sth like that at times, maybe unintentionally~ sorry for those people :p Hopefully people (including myself) will take note on comments given to others... If you cant guarantee that you won hurt anyone, JUST KEEP QUIET~

Gathering...

Last nite, kor brought me to this gathering which I misheard as "CHESS GATHERING" but turn out to be a "CHURCH GATHERING". Since my social life has been PATHETIC, I insisted that I want to join him after my scalp treatment appointment at 5pm. Oh ya, must Thanks kor for accompanying me to the saloon :)

Honestly, the group of people in the gathering gave me a fright since most of them are uncle and aunties. The thought of "what should I do when they are praying?" made me tell kor that I want to go home after 5 minutes sitting in the house~ Yeah, I dont like being an outgroup... a lot~ But after some time, there were some 'youngster' coming in and we had some small chat that definitely calmed me a bit.

Then, the meeting started with some singing~ when they are singing, memorise came back to me... about my god mother. She was a strong Catholic, active churh member, someone who spreaded Love around. I missed her badly since two days ago, and now, by accident, I am here, in a cell meeting. Is this what they call fate? or the calling? Did she make this happen? Did she do this to ease me? I nearly run out of the house when they were half way singing... But since my EQ was so HIGH~ I restrained myself from doing that~

The meeting end with some group discussion and the last topic was about our parents~ then some silent moment for us to think about what our parents did for us and then there was this time when we were to think about what our parents did to us that hurt us and we are suppose to forgive them~ but yeah, eventhough there were conflicts between my parents and I, but I already forgot about those incident, then I felt worry and there was an urge to call my mum to ask for her forgiveness~ oh ya, I should call her now~

I miss her...

On my way home from my workplace, I was doing my little accounting in my head, figuring how should I spend my second pay... first, have to bank in some money for my parents so that they can have some extra money to spend on themselves instead of their kids... Yeah, I am a lucky gal to have them...

Then, I thought of my God father, figuring the amount... then, She came to my mind~ yeah, I do not have to give my God mother any from my first pay~ that is definitely sad.... All I can give her is some flower, some candles and thats it~ But I do wish to buy her some cosmetic~ gosh, i miss her scent--rose scented talc~ I miss her cooking, her biscuits, her singing, her everything~~ I want to help her scoop tea spoons of pineapple jam on the flower shaped dough, I want to talk to her and stare greedily in the pot when she is cooking her well-known nasi baryani...

Sales~~

Yeah~ I am working this weekend~~ WEEKEND~~~ both SATURDAY and SUNDAY!!! My big big big big boss had planned another syllabus for the younger kids so that WE can train the kids and let them get to know bigger vocab range, get use to socialization, in short, get to be smarter kids. And therefore, most mentors from each branch have to attend the weekend seminar and since in my branch, there are only 2 mentors currently, both of us are 'invited' to participate~

OK, lets not bored everyone with the SEMINAR+WORKSHOP~

At 12.30pm on Sunday, I called my cousin, happily told her that my seminar had end earlier, therefore we can have lunch together and then go KL town for her grandparents visiting and also SHOPPING~

Had pizza for lunch since I had been craving for it since the first day of work as my kids had been doing a lesson on a pot luck dinner and some man in the story brought pizza~ Then, we picked up her sister and head of to kl town with an ice cream cake (father's day cake). We had some pork dumpling since its the fifth month of the Chinese calendar and lasly, we had the cake~ bear in mind that we just had a big meal in Pizza Hut and those dumplings are made of lutinous rice and yeah~ chocolate ice-cream cake...

WE HAD TO DO SOME EXERCISE!!! so, after sending her sister back home, we decided that we HAVE TO go KLCC.

First we went to PArkson since I have some cash voucher~ and all we have there are Sisley, Benneton, edc, Dorothy Perkins, Liz etc. so I got myself 1 top from Benneton and 2 from Sisley while my cousin got 4 tops from Benneton... Saw this polka dots heels, nice fitting, nice color, and everything was perfect and yeah, its on 70% sale~~~ BUT... guess what? after discount, its RM275!!! With great disappointment, we went to Isetan~ gosh, there were lots of people, lots of bins, lots of sale signs, lots of clothes~ all we did was GRAB, GRAB, and GRAB, FIT, FIT, FIT, SMILE, SMILE AND SMILE... At the end of the day, we had 12 items, 5 for myself and gosh, 7 for my cousin~

Came back to our taman and had dinner in a mamak but we were so eager to get back home to have a look at our goodies so we ate really fast and tah dah~ we are home, showing my brother what we had bought, do the accounting, pay back money, and lastly, did not forget to destroy the evidence-- the receipt~

p/s: oh ya, the cashier missed one of the item, so we got it free~ and therefore, we came out with this conclusion... we should always buy more item and that kinda incident will happen more frequently...

Tears~

"The Happy Prince's tears wet the swallow who is resting under the statue..." This week, one of my class is doing The Happy Prince and at the begining of the class, I will read parts of the story to them before they start their reading exercise. And today, I finished reading the story to them. In between the readings, I did some Q & A as usual to make sure that they follow my reading instead of day dreaming~ But something strange happened today, the most responsive boy I have was so quiet... Then I found out that... his eyes were red~

When I were preparing myself for this class by reading the story, I did cried and I nagged a lot to my colleague telling them that the story will make the kids sad~ but yeah, maybe thats one of the way to show them the real life~

As I mentioned in the previous post, the classes had been configurate and eventhough I am having the same classes, some kids were promoted and some were going to the lower level class. I have this cute little boy in my class who might not be the smartest of all, but he is very participative. He is always absent on Monday because of his other tuition and today when he realise that he is to go to another class during the assembly, he got upset and he was asking WHY, WHY, and WHY~ Then when his class was going up the stairs, I was leading my class right behind him... Guess what he did??? he hide behind me and wanted to follow me to my class until I threaten him by saying that I will kiss him if he really likes me that much... ( 99.99% of cosmotots' kids are scared of kisses)... After class, I saw him again, so I brought him to the hall and he was telling me over and over that he had been in the last class when that is suppose to be a higher level class... Gosh~ I will definitely miss him lots~ can I smuggle him into my class???

p/s: I cannot imagine myself leaving my kids to the new chapter in Bukit Jalil~ hopefully I will get nice kids there~~~

Saturday nite~

There's no clubbing, no shopping, no dining, no chatting, no laughing.... I am here alone, thinking about my performance at work. Ain't I good enough to proceed to another class? Are they much better than me? Will they prefer me to socialize more with my seniors and colleagues rather than having me trying my best to learn as much as possible so that I can perform better and independently? I cant wait until monday to walk into the AGM's office to ask all these questions.

Sometimes, I really wish I have a shell to hide in all the time. I wish, I do not have to speak to other people besides my kids in class. Hopefully that day will come very soon when I do not have senior mentor who will inspect me in class~ I don;t really mind them inspecting my teaching through the CCTV... But can they leave me alone???

L.O.V.E lyrics

Artist: Michael Buble
Album: Call Me Irresponsible
Title: L.O.V.E. [Bonus Track]

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

Can love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it

Love was made for me and you
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

an love is all that I can give to you
Love, love, love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
'Cause love was made for me and you
I said love was made for me and you
You know that love was made for me and you

Kids~

I'd mentioned about those cute and nice kids but... yeah~ of coz there are irritating and annoying kids as well~ in my class of 5, there is this boy who could never focus. after lots of talking and debating with him, normally I will get 5 minutes (or less) of attention, and then he will go back to his lion mask and paper made crawl which I had threaten to keep it from him N times, and finally had to keep them until the end of the class. To be fair, He does has some cute moment. And after 2 weeks of taking the class on my own, I had started to befriend him and gain some respect.

Then, there is this time when my class will combine with another mentor's class which also consist of 5 kids. Among them, there is this smart kid who showed no interest in the lesson but never mind sharing his idea and experience. The point is~ When they get together during combine class, they will start talking, quarelling and finally fighting. I tried seating them far apart but they still manage to quarel a lot and interupt everyone in the class. I spent time talking to the other mentor and decided that maybe we should just seat them together and let them fight and talk in the back of the class instead of interupting the whole class.... This is the time when I can never control 'I' no matter how well I had communicate with him before the two of them meet up.

Yesterday, Friday, we had this meeting where mentors are assign to classes for the new month. And guess what? since those 2 classes are so small, they are combined and I am the lucky 1 to have them. 2 hyperactive kids, 3 who will never speak up and need lots of prompting, and 1 who always tend to drift out of the topic during discussion and guess what? in the 2 hour class, more than 1 hour is used as discussion and conversation~ and I had seen him in class a few times, it will be very challenging to guide him in the same time when I need to control the 2 and hype up the other 3. Thank GOd I am blessed with the other 4 regular kids.

The moment when I get the student list, I felt my shoulder dropping and my eyes watery, but being an adult, I was able to control myself in the meeting.

Then, there is this other meeting for USJ mentors. (I have class in DU in the morning and USJ in the afternoon, therefore I need to rush for USJ meeting in another room before I get all the information for preparation for DU classes.) In USJ, I have this 2 hyperactive kids who admited that they never want to be good boys therefore I had difficulty communicating with them~ But, they are quite good in reading and expressing themselves therefore I thought they will be promote to the other class instead of continue being in my class~ but guess what? THEY ARE STILL IN MY CLASS!!!!! I was damn stress to see that list and when my seniors are discussing some other stuff with me, I blurt out that I have "I" and "JZ" in the same class and finally burst into tears. Being like a big family, every mentor, DU or USJ knows most of the kids from both branches. And they started telling me what should I do.... I am glad to hear that I can throw them out of my class if the situation gets too bad~ But still, I cant use that threat all the time right? So shitty~

P/S: thanks to my new 'gor' who accompanied me for dinner.... Now I know I have someone to turn at time like this~